HUMOR

Go for a business that any idiot can run — because sooner or later, any idiot probably is going to run it.

I'm not Robin Hood. I don't take from the rich to give to the poor. I take from the rich.

Some people get rich studying artificial intelligence. Me, I make money studying natural stupidity.

The most important thing is... well, actually there are many important things.

SAFU.

I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.

I'm a developer who accidentally became a CEO. Snowboards were the gateway drug.

Adobe paying a billion-dollar breakup fee and Figma keeping the money is the most expensive compliment anyone has ever received.

The energy of We — greater than any one of us, but inside each of us.

Traffic is driving me nuts. Am going to build a tunnel boring machine and just start digging.

We sold 20,000 flamethrowers in four days. The merchandise business has a better margin than the tunnel business right now.

A snail is currently faster than a tunnel boring machine. We intend to defeat the snail in a race.

I got kicked out of Facebook and decided to build autonomous weapons for the Pentagon. I'm not sure which job my parents were more confused about.

Our first delivery was pad thai. I drove it myself. The customer tipped $5 and I thought we were rich.

I ordered a six-pack of beer through the app and delivered it to the YC partner's house during my application. Sometimes the demo IS the pitch.

We invented Stories. Then Instagram copied it. Then Facebook. Then LinkedIn. Then every app with a camera. You're welcome.

Our co-founder lawsuit settled for $157.5 million. Most expensive fraternity argument in history.

I studied Marxist philosophy under Habermas in Frankfurt. Now I build tools for the Pentagon. Life is full of plot twists.

We named the company after the seeing stones in Lord of the Rings. Tolkien nerds building surveillance technology for the CIA. Sounds about right.

Our professor gave us a B on the business plan for Cloudflare. Most expensive B in Harvard Business School history.

RPA sounds boring. It IS boring. That's the whole point — we automate the boring stuff so humans can do the interesting stuff.

ADP was founded in 1949. Their software looks like it. We were founded in 2011 and we build for people who expect software to actually be pleasant to use.

Companies hate us until they win a Best Places to Work award. Then they put the badge on their careers page and love us again.

We named our flavors Severed Lime and Mango Chainsaw because if you're going to sell flavored water, you might as well have fun with it. Every other brand in the category takes itself way too seriously.